Wednesday, July 27, 2016

I am closing my blog for now.

I am sorry but I had a depression episode and I put my blog in private mode for a while to keep me from deleting it. I needed some time to re-think what I was doing. I was not trying to be a dick and I did not do this for copyright or money reasons. I did not realize that some people actually used some of the stuff of my blog for their games. I switched back my blog to public mode to keep it available for consultation.

I am more and more isolated in my life and recently I have a bigger feeling of self failure about my social life, my work and my art. Sometime I just want to vanish and to cut every contact with human beings. 

What happened is that Patrick S asked me to work with him on a project similar to the The Maze of the Blue Medusa, but I realized that I am still simply too anxious and depressive to work on any projects with anybody and that I had to turn him down. This was a big blow and I took it very hard so I crashed down and went down into a big depressive mood where I wanted to delete everything to just stop drawing because anyway I can't do or accomplish anything with my talent, so fuck my drawing. (The same thing happened last year with Kabuki Kaiser, Paul Czege and other friends on google +)
(My main feeling of failing come from the time before doing gaming stuff, I tried for years to finish multiple graphic novels, more than one editor was interested, I was active in the Montreal's comic book scene, etc... but I was not able to finish anything and I ended up isolating myself from a lot of comic book artists friends.)

Now I am feeling better, but I still have a hard time finding time to work on my projects. This is getting very frustrating even if I try to draw everyday. The thing is that while I draw nearly everyday, most of the time I am only drawing stand alone illustrations to make me feel good and to have the feeling of doing something. It's a good procrastination, but while I am doing this I dont work on my projects. This is the other reason why I wanted to close my blog: to force myself to work on my projects, to be able to finish some stuff and to stop feeling that I fail at everything. 

So for now I want to avoid posting here to force myself to work on my projects. I may start feeding the cauldron again if I manage to publish something.


-C


Monday, July 11, 2016

Red Golem of chess pieces transfiguration.


Imperial magpie auxiliaries with centurion.

"Magpie Sisters. Warrior women who hatch from eggs, sometimes born human, sometimes born as giant magpies, but kin either way. Their war painted mixed-force companies of skirmishing foot and aerial attackers and scouts makes them famous among Imperial Auxiliaries." - Benjamin B.